Monday, August 20, 2012

Better, a rant, and awkward moments

I suppose the title says it all whats been up with me. Starting off with better, its been a solid past few days for the most part. I haven't been craving sweets, fat, ice cream, or just food in general for the first time in like oh I don't know 2 months or so. It's been grand and I feel like I'm getting control back. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long ass ways to go to undo all this shit. And I still purge. But gosh I don't know what my problem has been lately though. Like tonight I tried to get my supper up, twice, and couldn't get shit up. I think my body just hates me now. Maybe its good so I will finally stop.

No epic binges though, wonderful runs, starting to do abs again, nice days for a change. I really wanna do some type of detox/fast perhaps. I just wanna get all this fat and yucky stuff outta my body. Start again fresh and clean. Plus I stepped on the scale again and it wasn't pretty. Like I swear my legs are starting to get...well there not getting fatter to say the least. I think its because of all the running. But like I don't know where all this fat is getting stored. Probably in my boobs, there getting bigger and I do not like it. Pretty sure that makes me weird. Just saying.

Today I saw that someone said this and I quote "I hate when girls say there fat and there not! its like get over yourself you look fine! gezz.." I kinda wanted to punch her in the face. I don't know, do I need to say more? Ya know what I mean? Fuck the only and I mean ONLY bitches that say this is the skinny girls that can eat and eat and never ever gain a pound. Idk I just can't put into words how angry/irritated/sad/pissed that makes me.

Anyhow Sunday my family and myself went out to brunch because it was my little brothers last Sunday home before he heads off to college (tear:( such a big boy now). Sooo first off, it kinda sucked food wise there but wanna know what really sucked? My friend that hates me was freaking hosting. I haven't seen her/talked to her since so can you say awkward when we walked in. Like I could feel the awkwardness around us. Then later that night I went for a run around the park like usual may I add and guess who I see playing volleyball. Yes, her again with all her co-workers which includes the boy that made her hate me. Then tonight I went running and they were all there again! Fuck me! Don't these people ever fucking work? Jesus. I just hope no one noticed me (aka those two). I'm gonna be pissed if there all there tomorrow night. That's my park damn it.

As a last and final note my boss just loves to make me work and I only have 2 days off between now (well it actually started Saturday) and the 31st. So I apologize in advance for not being around. I'm just always so tried afterwards. So see ya around maybe? Idk we shall see.


  1. Omf, I can't STAND when people say that. I was having a spectacular rant about how my chicken wings are the most disgusting thing... And she said, omg you're not fat. I wanted to high five her in the face with a chair at that moment. Complacent fat people - the bane of my existence. Fuck sakes. And I feel your pain about your boss. Fuck it. Stay strong, think thin. Xo

  2. I wouldn't say ur body hates u for not being able to purge because purging is seriously damaging your body(rotting teeth, cardiac arrest, stomach tear, esophagus ripping etc.) more like ur body is trying to save itself. But congrats on the no cravings part! hope things continue to go well food wise for u:) as for the running maybe u cud wear a cap while u run and hopefully they wont recognize u? but honestly its totally ur right to run there so dont let them ruin it for u!

  3. The damn sentence I hate. It's so annoying when people think you can change your basic values and way of thinking just by snapping your fingers. Not going to happen, and no, definitely not gonna get over it... I'm gonna do it over :DD

    No cravings is great, stay strong my love. <3

  4. I am so happy that you are getting your control back :), i knew you could do it :). I hate big boobs too lol.
    I hate when people say that too. I just think they don't understand what they are talking about.
    Love Logan x x

  5. alice ive missed you! sorry i went mia for a while.. but yes i hate big boobs too. mine grew over the months too. but unlike you my legs have gotten fatter. with all the ups and downs of our e.d. you seem to be doing pretty well! congrats hun!